On Performance

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On February first of this year, a man by the name of Benoit Violier made headlines. His Swiss restaurant was crowned the “best in the world” in December of 2015. His restaurant named Restaurant de l’Hotel de Ville had won 3 Michelin stars, and made it to the top of France’s Le Liste above more than 1,000 restaurants worldwide. Violier was found in his home with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his head. Swiss chef Fredy Girardet stated: “He was a brilliant man. Such talent, and an amazing capacity for work. He was so kind, with so many qualities. He gave the impression of being perfect.”

Almost 10 years ago, in an interview for a movie, Jim Carrey is reported saying “I think everyone should get rich and famous, and get everything they dreamed of, so that they can see that this is not the answer.”

What is our culture creating, that the pursuits of wealth, fame, and being the best are the ultimate achievements? More than that, the message seems to be that these things will finally fill the void in our souls. Maybe with enough “things,” enough accolades, enough praise from others, we will finally be able to calm the persistent voice that fearfully echoes “You are not enough. You are worthless.”

A phrase that haunts me is what Girardet noted about Violier: “He gave the impression of being perfect.” Of having it all together. Of needing nothing. Perfection, as we all cognitively know, is impossible. Yet this striving, this performance is all smoke and mirrors to somehow save ourselves. It leads to shame, isolation, and despair.

What if the answer to this existential question of worth and purpose has an existential answer? What if, upon realizing the things of this world will never satisfy our deepest longings- getting married, obtaining a promotion, an award, money, power, fame, beauty, kids, etc.- what if the response is humility to recognizing perhaps only Jesus is the perfect shape and substance to fill the inner void? It does not entail judging or minimizing longings and desires, but more acknowledging and finding rest amidst them. It’s a perspective shift from relying on yourself to showcase your worth, to resting in the worth that is sung over you in tender tones and gentle offerings. Our role then is to receive our worth, rather than to create it.

Worth is not found in what we do. If that were true then it would entail that children, the elderly, and the disabled would not have worth until they became positive contributors to society. Worth is found in who we are- our position as children of God, as sons and daughters, reflected in our character, how well we love others. Performance afflicts us all and there’s always Imposter Syndrome lurking in the background (more on that in another post).

What could our lives look like if we were kind and gracious to ourselves? What if we pursued excellence not for the sake of validating our worth, but out of a passion that leads to joy instead of despair? What if we ceased striving?